I set an alarm clock at 3 a.m to 5 a.m every morning for every 15 minutes. Every morning, I hit snooze for two hours. I guess adult life has consumed my life more than I could handle. Right before i go to sleep every night I always hope that tomorrow will be a lot different than today, I think tomorrow is the day that i am actually gonna embrace my adult’s life problems and solve them soon afterwards. I don’t know what i am thinking. Even i do not know why do i have to get up day in and day out, even though i wake up early in the morning not to get myself up for exercising but to utterly satisfy myself on hearing alarm sounds every 15 freaking minutes before work.
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Then why the hell do You do that?
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Maybe because my adult life is boring enough and turning on the alarm is a fun thing to do. Moreover, I do not need every god-damned reason to do something i want to do.
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A soft melodic tune from my play list is currently playing in the background, echoing their beautiful rhymes throughout a small shared bedroom i rent in the heart of Darwin City. Accompanying me to write this blog which actually has been planned to be posted some weeks ago. But like other things in my life, they are planned nice and shiny at the beginning but then left abandoned, unnoticed, and forgotten as time goes by.
The first thing you should know about being me is that i am an individual who will find every excuse not to do everything.
“Yes, everything”
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Long ago i remembered someone said a sentence quoted from Paulo Coelho’s book stating :
“And when you want something, all universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
But in the contrary, the more i want it to happen, the stupider the result i will get. A lot of people will never relate to this. A lot of people do not know what it is like to badly want something that very few people will ever get to have.
And i am not talking about money, or fame – obviously, everybody wants that. I am talking about the deeply feel desire to have all the experiences of all bad things in life day and night that is painful in a way that is both beautiful and true.
But, without a real action, this desire will melt you into a crazy, miserable shit-head.
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Time traveling to years ago. I decided that enough was enough and that i was finally going to get serious about doing my thesis. I went straight to the nearest bookstore to buy every book about the relevant topic of my thesis that I could get my hands on including the paid and free e-books from internet. I went also to the library to borrow some references to read at home. I was all prepared to do anything – absolutely anything, except actually sit down and start reading.
About six months ago, i bought a game console from a friend who sold it for a very low price. When i got a hold of it, I felt like I had an obligation to play all the game disks before I could attempt to finish them in time that i began to carry it everywhere i go. But now, i could see them untouched on my desk collecting dust for months.
Procrastination is probably one of many adult’s problems i have and it has become a chronic disease. It makes me difficult to concentrate even on the weekday when i could technically find the time to think more.
Pointing out more on procrastination I strongly believe that history is repeating itself. Take a sample instance from my case: i keep holding the verboseness of the same things up to these past few years. Furthermore, five years ago i actually had posted a writing about procrastination that i sealed closely in the corner of my mind and promised not to recall. The reasoning is simply because it feels like throwing the salt into the ocean: procrastination in my life has not dissipated perfectly even in the span of five years, or maybe it has not lessened at all, or maybe, getting worst. So i am doing you a favor through a friendly self-reminder: if you’re 25-ish at the moment, i really encourage you to commence the repairing project of all mistakes and faults you have been doing before you reach 30.
And I am not saying there are not exceptions to the exact numbers I am laying out in that piece — I am just saying that there was a big difference in my life in how I was a young adult and then became an adult who was not so young at all but still being a nostalgic person who thinks more of my childhood life than the current one i am living right now, and thinking that it is too late to fix everything at this age is pretty much a common thread.
I recognize it seems like a perilous thread to dangle from, but it is what I have got. I cannot honestly tell you that I am happy to be alive, that I think the future holds anything good for me is pretty much a bias, that I have the ability to overcome my problems, that I think the world is headed anywhere but straight to hell, but at the same time?
I feel like I am alright
Except in the next few hours when i have to endure myself on listening to those ear-cracking alarms.
All over again.
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By AP
Sosial Pemberontak 
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