Call Me A Free Man, Now.

The past two and a half years have been difficult for me financially. COVID-19 has changed the lives of everybody around the world. When it all started, so many lockdowns and social distancing rules were imposed by the government to tackle the pandemic; it was probably the most effective way believed at that time, but it was also effectively causing havoc to me as I had to live with an unstable income during this excruciating period. This situation made me so broke that I maxed out all my credit cards, which I have been carefully using for the past nine years to make the end meet during the pandemic.

Since the beginning of COVID, my liability, including interests and other charges and purchases I had made before that, had accumulated to IDR 600mil in total debts (60K AUD). I was so stressed and depressed and lived with fears simultaneously. The thought of committing suicide was always on the edge of my mind – as an escape plan to get away from the troubles every time I received piles of billing statements in my emails.

As a foreigner living overseas, this time felt so different to me. I was so lonely. I needed to vent the problem, but I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I was so terrified to speak out; I wouldn’t even have a gut to turn to a single person to tell this because, based on my life experience, the person who listens to you actually doesn’t care much. If you are not careful, they will just find a way to use it against you in the end. My family, who lived far away in Indonesia, were the only people I could trust – whose voices could soothe my soul, whose touches comforted me, and who listened but kept my secret wholeheartedly. Even though mum and brother were not the ones to be responsible for cleaning up this mess, letting them know and getting their support even from a distance was the source that strengthened my soul to keep believing in myself in dealing with this shit.

I didn’t cry, I didn’t get angry, I didn’t give up, but most importantly, I kept on living and faced this as a grown-up man with my head up. Two and a half years have passed, and today, I can finally stand up straight as the proudest man in the world. I won’t even be shy to tell everybody about this problem because…

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I finally paid off this fucking debts!

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Covid probably became the shittiest experience that ever happened in my life. Despite this, I am so fucking proud of myself for finishing everything with my two bare hands, even with some bruises here and there. After two and a half years, I can finally breathe the fresher air for the first time as a free man and a happier person.

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By

AP