Our Present Time.

As I soak up the winter rays, I think about last winter that just passed and so many seasons beforehand. Silence makes me think more. Think about the future, think about the present, and think about the past. My mind flew away into a period where the timeline doesn’t count. I am flashing back to the time when the pandemic started two years ago and so many years before that. Only to find out that all i want to think this time is about my present time.

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Exactly a year ago when I first arrived in Brisbane. It was a sunny afternoon, and I had just settled into my new apartment after a long 10 hours drive from Sydney. The excitement of starting a new chapter in this vibrant city filled the air.

As I unpacked my belongings, the familiar tunes of a favorite song played softly in the background. It was a game playlist I had curated to accompany me on this journey, a collection of songs that held a special place in my heart. Each note seemed to bring forth memories of that initial sense of wonder, anticipation, and excitements.

My new apartement was bathed in sunlight, casting a warm glow on things i had carefully arranged on the floor which i just took out from my suitcase. My partner walked around in the apartement being busy helping me arranging and putting my stuff into – basically everywhere where they fit, his presence grounding me in this new space. In that moment, as we were tired from long drive a day before we finally managed to take a break and sat together on the couch, soaking ourselves in the warmth of the winter sunlight and gazing at the breathtaking view of the new surround area from our living room.

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My heart overflowed with gratitude for the journey that had brought us up to this point

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Throughout my relationship with my partner, both before we started dating and after we started dating, he has shown me an incredible amount of care. Being trapped and isolated during Covid was an extremely difficult time for me emotionally, mentally, and financially. My life felt very empty at that time, especially because I was far from my family in Indonesia, who were my biggest support in life when I lived abroad. During those dark times, He was always there for me, either through text or video calls. He really comforted me during that period of emptiness. Several times, He invited me to play online co-op games like “It Takes Two” and “Men of Medan.”It was a very memorable experience for me. Even though I was far from my family, he always made sure I was okay and tried to embrace me tightly while facing the pandemic from a distance.

During the pandemic, I felt that life was very difficult, and I was always surrounded by negative mental health that eventually turned into depression. To deal with those feelings, I tried to solve the problems in my life, made a list of negative feelings in my life, and tried to unravel the tangle of the causes of my sadness at that time. One of the triggers for that depression was my being closed off about my sexuality to others for the 34 years of my life at that time. I felt that I was living a lie.

Coming from a country with a very closed culture regarding sexual diversity made me worried about expressing my sexuality to others, even after living in Australia for 6 years. That culture was deeply ingrained in my mind. One day, during a video call with him, I told him that I wanted to be open about my sexuality, and I wanted to be free without feeling guilty.

On another occasion, I saw a post from ACON on Facebook that they were looking for candidates for their latest video campaign, “becoming an ally to HIV positive people.” I was interested in the campaign and finally tried to register, and after several interviews, I was chosen as one of the participants in the campaign. Besides thinking that this was a good campaign, I also wanted to use the video they released as my coming-out moment to my friends and family. It was because of those cultural differences that made me think that the approach to explaining this sensitive matter about coming out should be done differently than just saying, “Hi, I’m gay” to close friends and families.

The video was shot in April 2021, just a few weeks before I met Him in Brisbane. During our meeting in April, we ended up being exclusive with each other. Throughout the early stages of building our relationship, He was the one who made me comfortable with my sexuality, made me feel special, and made me feel like I was no different from anyone else. He made me proud to hold the rainbow flag in my hand wherever I went.

The moment I started a relationship with him was the most special moment in my life. Then in September 2021, ACON released the video campaign on all their social media channels. By the time the video was released, I had been in a relationship with him for 5 months. During that time, there were many changes in my life, such as becoming more confident about my sexuality. Although I still felt unsure when I initially shared the video on my social media (Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook), I was always confident that I had him as my shield during this transition period and that he would always be there for me when I faced discrimination from my family or friends for my decision to come out about my sexuality to them. Up to now..

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His warm arms always covered me just as the warmth of the bright winter sun blanketed everybody on the 10th consecutive day in Brisbane City right now. For this reason, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude.

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This city has become my new home, a place where we will have experienced growth, love, and countless moments of pure bliss. From the nostalgic melodies that transport me to the past to the vibrant present we embrace every day, I cherish every memory and look forward to the future we continue to build together.

And as I sit here, in this soon-to-be-a-familiar-couch-which-my-partner-beg-me-to-replace. I realize that it’s not just the physical surroundings or the passing of time that defines a place. It’s the experiences, and the heartfelt gratitude for every moment lived. So, to this city that has become my sanctuary for the past year. For what we have battled in the past, we can now say thank you—for all the memories made and the ones yet to come for both of us. We feel very lucky to be destined to meet each other. And blessed at…

Our Present Time.

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By

AP