When Brad Pitt Was My Brother.

I just stumbled upon something truly hilarious and slightly embarrassing. A complete blog post I wrote in 2011 and somehow never published. Fourteen years later, i decide to press that publish button.

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In 2006, in a bid to curb terrorism and cellphone-related fraud, the Indonesian government made a regulation that all prepaid SIM card users must register their name and address by SMS. After that implementation anyone could still purchase a SIM card, but before they could use it, they had to register. I thought it was just silly. There was no way that regulation could do anything good just like any other regulations made by our government prior to this. So I registered my SIM card number under a false name and address, just to spit on it. Strangely, the system let me used the SIM card even when i registered it with some dodgy details.

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Years later in 2011.

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Last month, there was something wrong with my SIM card. I couldn’t either make or receive calls. I could buy a new SIM card with a new number, but thinking about the hassle of needing to notify all my contacts about my new number, i backed off from that silly idea. So that day i went to the Customer Service office to ask for a SIM card replacement.

After waiting for almost two hours staring at one of those big digital indicators that displayed which number currently being served by Customer Service agent. My number finally came up.

I was then greeted by a lady, who, after a day long dealing with consumers’ complaints, looked very bored. I told her about my problem and then she typed something on her computer. She deadpanned, asking for my ID. I gave it to her. Then she said, “Sorry the information on your ID doesn’t match with what we have on our computer.”

I immediately realized that I was in a deep shit. Not only that I remembered I registered the SIM card years ago under a false name and address, but also I completely forgot what details i filled in for registration. So I kindly asked, “What do you have on your computer?”

She turned her monitor to face me. I read it in horror:

Name : Brad Pitt
Place of Birth : Mojokerto – A very small town in Java
Address : Jl. Sana Gang Sini no. 2 – translation [Street there, alley here, number two]

“Why didn’t you register under your name?,” the lady asked.
“The card used to be… uhmm… my brother’s,” I said.
“Then he has to come down here to file the complaint,” she said.
“He can’t… Umm.. He is in… Russia,” I didn’t know what else to say.

I didn’t know whether she was tired or simply didn’t want to make me even more embarrassed, she just handed me out a piece of paper.

“Just make the statement on a blank paper with your handwritting that this number really belongs to you,” she said.
“What should I write?” I asked
“I’ll dictate it to you”

So I began writing what felt to be the longest line I had ever written:

“I hereby state that this SIM card belongs to me and that Brad Pitt is truly my brother…”

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By APW